He said things were really bad between them and they had loads to sort out.
I said I wasn’t happy with how things were going between us and suggested I give him some space which he agreed to.
As I was driving there I was thinking that I was likely wasting my time. (The beauty of dating like a grownup is that you can talk about real stuff. He didn’t go running and screaming when I said the “M” word. There can be many perfectly acceptable (to you) reasons a man hasn’t yet divorced. If you meet another way and he mentions he is separated, ASK. Or ask “as you’re dating what are you ultimately looking for? That doesn’t include asking him why they split up or anything of that sort. Instead, use this magic question to get to the meaningful information: What have you learned from your marriage and other past relationships? Being able to make decisions like these is important.
As usual, I was time-challenged so it was too late to make a U-turn and cancel. Talk about getting our cards on the table, tout de suite, right? We’ve lived complicated lives, we’ve made bad choices, we’ve got pasts and serious obligations. If he contacts you online and you like his profile, ASK. I’ve heard that more than once and, as someone with a chronic illness, I totally get it. But instead of taking the seemingly simple road and just writing him off…make the effort to ask the right questions, listen carefully and believe what he says. There are ways to find out what you really need to know about his past relationships. Do you have stories about men you dated who are separated? PS: This is exactly the type of question I help women answer in my Over40 Love School.
One had written in all caps “IF YOU ARE SEPARATED PLEASE PASS ME BY.” Wasn’t the first time I’ve seen such a proscription. You love them all, but only one can go home with you, the one you like best, your Online daters may not realize it, but when they’re looking through profiles, they aren’t weighing the factors that make someone a good match. Whom to email, whom to respond to, whether to meet in person — these are later concerns.
You look at the ten available dogs, at their cute faces and wagging tails.
He said he would text me when ‘his head was sorted’. I’ve had a few texts since, but nothing to indicate that we are getting back together.
I bumped into him recently – he was a little drunk and all over me.
(Another fact from the page: “More than 1 million babies have been ‘made’ by Match connections,” meaning the site really #1 in marriages. Smoking is also a deal breaker, responsible for a tenfold drop in interest. I suspect relationship status is another dealbreaker. Women who don’t select CS aren’t cruel, just misinformed. The confusion is that CS is a physico-legal status, not an emotional one.
We all know, for example, that profiles with pictures get more views. Both men and women are twenty times less likely to look at a picture-less profile, according to researchers at the University of Michigan. Men in their 40s, predictably, are more interested in younger women. Not every man with a failed marriage is a shambling wreck whose only path back to productive society is through copious solitude.
Notice I didn’t say “is failing.” There is no “is.” Nobody is watching the action unfold slo-mo, as in a John Woo film. Words were said, tears were spilled, conditions were fucked. Not every couple who separates will fight, of course, and those who will don’t do it forever. She is more alluring, in fact, than one who waits for divorce. I know she is honest, since it would be easy and untraceable to choose “Divorced” when she truly isn’t. And if she breaks it off with me to go back to her husband?
The first is that word “currently.” It implies the schism isn’t permanent, that my wife and I could go back to each other, ruining any other relationship I had begun, ending a heaven made in Match. According to several studies, only 10–20% of married couples have reconciled after splitting up.)I admit it is annoying to lose a boyfriend or girlfriend to someone else, but that someone doesn’t have to be an estranged spouse. If the rival has something you lack, something your partner craves, that partner may choose the rival. I would say less likely, in fact, because of the agony between the two of them. Credit the battles during the separation for this later rapprochement. You know, aren’t always Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm when a marriage collapses. I repeat: I have no problem dating a woman who is CS.
I’m not sure if I’ve pushed him away or if it’s really his circumstances that are keeping him away.