(Blaming is different from taking responsibility.) Hoovering: Hoovering is when you attempt to vacuum up any feelings you are uncomfortable with or not give truthful answers because you don’t want to upset or to be vulnerable.
Saying “It’s not such a big deal” when it is important to you is hoovering.
Saying someone did a great job when they didn’t or that your friends loved them when they didn’t is hoovering.
Not acknowledging how difficult something might be for you to do is hoovering.
Still the message is to not feel what you are feeling.
Nonverbal Invalidation Nonverbal invalidation is powerful and includes rolling of the eyes and drumming of fingers in an impatient way.
Any opinions in the examples do not represent the opinion of the Cambridge Dictionary editors or of Cambridge University Press or its licensors.
04-1704: Daimler Chrysler Corporation, et al., Petitioners, v.
Ridicule is a particularly damaging: “Here we go again, cry over nothing, let those big tears flow because the grass is growing.” Denying: “You are not angry, I know how you act when you’re angry,” and “You have eaten so much, I know you aren’t hungry,” invalidate the other person by saying they don’t feel what they are saying they feel.
Minimizing: “Don’t worry, it’s nothing, and you’re just going to keep yourself awake tonight over nothing” is usually said with the best of intentions.
It’s like saying they know you as well as you know you, so they don’t ask, they assume, and may even tell how you think and feel.