You're lying on the couch in a blissful Netflix coma when suddenly you're hit with block after block after block of run-on texts from a guy about how vinyl "just sounds so different." You try to politely eject yourself, but they're not getting the message. Text: "lol" Translation: "Your sense of humor is GIFs of people getting hurt and trash-talking everyone, and I feel like I'm cringing my way into a bleak abyss." Similar to “haha”, but with a stronger undercurrent of vitriol.
You keep sending the same smiley emoji and nothing else, but. A long-winded retelling of how supposedly crazy your ex was warrants a lone “lol” and nothing else. " You just sent me a link on the difference between true craft beer and craft beer posers.
Like a road possum playing dead, I'm just hoping this conversation will hop in its Hummer and drive out of my life forever.
He has many friends to whom he sends good morning texts. I am okay with him keeping in touch with his friends every now and then.
However I’m worried about his daily texting to a particular “girlfriend”.
" You actually did send an A dog meme, but I’m with people right now. Text: "yeah" Translation: "You drain me more than an emotionally clingy vampire in a teen romance franchise." I don’t actually agree with you but I also don’t have the energy to keep responding to your paragraphs of texts about how your boss asked you to work an hour later than normal. It is a beautiful, meaningful umbrella of an acronym, appropriate for shocking work gossip, gloriously shady tweets, and when you Snap me a requested pic of your gray sweatpants bulge.
But I want you to know that you did a great job — my friend asked me why I cracked a smile while she was in the middle of venting about her roommate. In the time you’ve written me a mini-novella, I went to the gym and meal-prepped my whole week, so a “yeah I feel that” is all you get. " Translation: "You have no idea how wrong you are and it's kind of incredible." You’re in the middle of mansplaining Hillary’s loss to me again and you just said misogyny wasn’t a real factor. ” may sound like I am eager to hear your opinion when, in fact, I can probably guess what you’re about to say and I’m about to school you on some sexism.
And eventually ask you to "chill at their place." Basically, texting is the worst and no one should ever do it, but since everyone does, here are a few of the vaguest, all-too-familiar texts every woman has definitely sent a guy who is just not getting it.
Text: "lmaoooo" Translation: "I genuinely liked this and want you to not mistake this for an 'lol'! I’m not sure why you did or how you even feel about it yourself, so I will go with the very safe “wow! Unless it was meant for a different girl all along, in which case, BYE.
I have guy friends too, but I don’t text them every day! I am the kind of person who believes that when two people decide to commit to each other, they share everything, including letting each other know their phone passwords.
However, he didn’t want to share his password although I let him know mine.
’ I told him, and he said he was staying at a hotel with family 10 minutes’ drive away.